Panties that don't match and other misadventures..

Teeth Like God's Shoeshine

2005-11-10T10:23:00.000-08:00

From the top of the ocean — Yeah!
From the bottom of the sky — Goddamn!
Well I get claustrophobic
I can, you know that I can; well!
From the top of the ocean — Yeah!
From the bottom of the sky — Goddamn!
Well I get claustrophobic
I can, you know that I can!
And she said…
"I am not allowed much danger!
Keep in line you're an old friend stranger;
you'll burn me if effigy, and I'll burn you in effigy!"
A rattlesnake up in Boulder, Montana
he bit the leg of the old sheriff
Ha! That boy fell down on his harelip: Ow! — Ow!
Well I, I might be wrong,
but you, you tag along,
and we, we’ve all been wronged,
and I feel dizzier by the mile
Said hell! The money's spent.
Went to the county line
and paid the rent I said, "Uh-oh!"
I said "Uh-oh!"

Oh! If you could compact your conscience —
Oh! And you might…
Oh! If you could bottle and sell it you might have done —
Oh! And you might…
Oh! If you could compact your conscience —
and sell it; — save it for another time,
you know you might have to use it…

And the televisions on.
Go to the grocery store, buy some new friends,
and find out the beginning, the end, and the best of it.
Well, do you need a lot of what you've got to survive?
Here's the man with teeth like God's shoeshine;
he sparkles; shimmers; shines…
Let's all have another Orange Julius —
Thick syrup standin’ in lines.
The malls are the soon-to-be ghost towns,
well so long, farewell, good-bye.

Take 'em all for the long ride!
and you'll go around town
no one wants to be uptight anymore.
You can be ashamed
or be so proud of what you've done
but not no one, not now, not ever or anyone.
Take 'em all for the sense of happiness
that comes from hurting deep down inside.
Or you can add it up and give a shit, give a shit,
go to the family doctor it’s all worth it, all worth it —
All, all wrong, and its all, all gone.
Or, you can add it up and give a shit, give a shit,
I’m on the corner of this and this and this and this!
All, all wrong, and it’s all, all gone…

Here's the man with teeth like God's shoeshine;
he sparkles; shimmers; shines…
Let's all have another Orange Julius —
Thick syrup standin’ in lines.
The malls are the soon-to-be ghost towns,
well so long, farewell, good-bye.

And the telephone goes off.
Pick the receiver up, try to meet ends
and find out the beginning, the end and the best of it

(OH MY GODDAMN!! )

Take 'em all for the long ride!
and you'll go around town
no one wants to be uptight anymore.
You can be ashamed
or be so proud of what you've done
but not no one, not now, not ever or anyone…

You're the English major...figure it out.

Hall of Mirrors

2005-10-21T09:08:00.000-07:00

I come down like a hurricane sucked up inside
I spit out the suffer, yeah
You say you want a revelation
Revel in this my lover
You're free at liberty, is this what you want?
Sometimes I wonder...

There's a highway to, to the edge, yeah
Once a night you will drive yourself there
At the end of the road you will find the answer
At the end of the road you will drink the fear

I come down like a bloody rain cuts up flesh sky
Pulse beating under, yeah
Meat petals bloom in a bone garden
Ain't no god, no ghost gonna save you now

I sell souls on the side of the road
Would you like to take a number?

There's a highway to, to the edge, yeah
Once a night you will drive yourself there
At the end of the road you will find the answer
At the end of the road you will drink the fear

Take your time, come on, get what you come for
Don't waste my time come on, get what you come for
Don't waste my time come on, get what you come for
Don't waste my time come on, get what you come for

There's a highway to, to the edge, yeah
Once a night you will drive yourself there
At the end of the road you will find the answer
At the end of the road you will drink the fear

I watched you burn in the eye of my sun, in the eye of my sun, yeah yeah
I fucked you in, in the eye of my sun, in the eye of my sun, yeah yeah

Soul Meets Body

2005-09-25T21:34:00.000-07:00

I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what its like to be new

Cause in my head, there's a Greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where they're far more suited than here.

I cannot guess what we'll discover
We turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels
But I know our filthy hand can wash one another's
And not one speck will remain

I do believe its true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
If silence takes you then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes, I hold you near
Cause you're the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

You can't spell class, without ass.

2005-07-22T09:46:00.000-07:00

Well, I've picked out my fall classes.

3D Design.
English Comp.
Ceramics.
Oceanography.

I really like my little life that I've created. I hope nothing fucks it up for me.

A haiku

2005-07-05T17:16:00.000-07:00

Screeching halt
I've lost my forward motion
Up to my knees in quicksand

How's that for emo?

Hallelujah

2005-05-27T23:51:00.000-07:00

It's late and I'm still alone. The apartment is almost empty, everything is in boxes and "Hallelujah" is playing in the background. It feels so familiar and eerie at the same time. I'm Moving is a big deal for most people...it's nothing for me. "Ok, where are we going now?" I think I was a gyspy in a past life. I downsize very well. I can pack an apartment in a week. Ask my mom.

I don't feel comfortable staying in one place for long. I feel full of resolve when I move. "Ok, things will be better here."

Not as freshman anymore...

2005-05-26T12:35:00.000-07:00

Effin' sweet. I finished my finals. Fuck you, Dr. Jones, you nutrition nazi, go eat some barley.
What time is it? Bowl:20.
Now I gotta start packing. I get to move in to my new place on Sunday. What what.
My pants is still gone. He comes back on Friday night. I'm very excited to snuggle him.

that's all.
peace.

Finals are so final.

2005-05-24T13:17:00.000-07:00

One down, two to go. I think I pulled a B in Political Theory. Now I have a general knowledge of most political parties and I could even name a couple authors of political literature. I guess I'm finally qualified for a job at Fox News...

Other than that, yesterday was Michael and I's one year anniversary of meeting eachother/sleeping together. Looks like being a ho worked out for me.

Happy Anniversary to my Snuggle-bunny, my poopy pants, my woo.
"I fucking love you." ;)

Summer is two days away for me. I'm so stoked. Lots of beach and working on the surfing and getting drunk and being in love.

Being alone this week is so weird. It dawned on my last night that I haven't been alone for more than two days in over 3 years. I almost feel uncomfortable in my solitude. Like I have to get to know myself again or something. Reconnect would be a better word. I reconnect through listening to my music as loud as I can and dancing in my room. Smoking bowls on my balcolny and painting my nails Rasta colors.

I remember me. I'm awesome.

Weeeeeooooooooo

2005-04-23T22:49:00.000-07:00

So, this may be an unimportant thing to write about, but turning 21 has had a weird impact on me.

It's like another puberty all over again. Except I don't get to look forward to bigger boobs. I've

been listening to The Killers a lot lately. The song "Smile Like You Mean It" has a lot of meaning

for me right now. I can't help but get that butterfly feeling on the verge of tears. Not even sad

tears. I guess I don't really know why. Anyway, listen to it. It's a good one. Lyrics below.

"Smile Like You Mean It"

Save some face, you know you've only got one
Change your ways while you're young
Boy, one day you'll be a man
Oh girl, he'll help you understand
Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it

Looking back at sunsets on the Eastside
We lost track of the time
Dreams aren't what they used to be
Some things slide by so carelessly

Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it

And someone is calling my name
From the back of the restaurant
And someone is playing a game
In the house that I grew up in
And someone will drive her around
Down the same streets that I did
On the same streets that I did

Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it

Oh no, oh no no no
Oh no, oh no no no

My final hour

2005-04-14T22:28:00.000-07:00

Well, it's definatley been a year of changes for me. Between moving 4 times in the last year, deciding to be in a long term relationship, and starting school, I feel like I've obtained the "notch in the belt". 20 was a pretty personally successful year.
I hope I don't puke....

Fuck Sugar Mountain, it's Happy Hour!!

2005-04-09T10:12:00.000-07:00

Mary likes her alky.
Nuff said.
Michael says I got smashed and curled up like a cat in the car and slept the whole way home. I guess it's a good thing I wasn't driving.
I am excited at the prospect of drinking decent alcohol. Mexican alky is pretty burly.

It's weird, turning 21. I feel like I've been 21 for the last 8 months and now I'm getting to celebrate.

Anyway, more pics at HollywoodRay.com coming soon. Brought to you by Drunk-Ass Red.

Untitled

2005-03-11T22:09:00.000-08:00

"Joyful Girl"

I do it for the joy it brings
because I am a joyful girl
because the world owes me nothing
We owe each other the world
I do it because it's the least I can do
I do it because I learned it from you
I do it just because I want to
because I want to
Everything I do is judged
and they mostly get it wrong
oh well
The bathroom mirror has not budged
and the woman who lives there can tell
the truth from the stuff that they say
and she looks me in the eye
and says would you prefer the easy way?
No? well o.k. then, don't cry
And I wonder if everything I do
I do instead
of something I want to do more
the question fills my head
I know that there's no grand plan here
this is just the way it goes
and when everything else seems unclear
I guess at least I know
I do it for the joy it brings...

The End of the World

2005-02-01T20:39:00.000-08:00

Go if you want to
I never try to stop you
know there's a reason
For all of this
you're feeling low
It's not my call
You couldn't ever love me more
You couldn't love me more
You couldn't love...Me...I don't show much
It's not that hard to hide you see in a moment
I cant remember how to be all you wanted
I couldn't ever love you more
I couldn't love you moreI couldn't love...You want me to cry and play my part
I want you to sigh and fall apart
We want this like everyone else
Stay if you want to
I always wait to hear you say there's a last kiss
For all the times you run this way it's not my fault
You couldn't ever love me more
You couldn't love me more
You couldn't love... I couldn't ever love you more
I couldn't love you more
I couldn't love...You want me to lie not break your heart
I want you to fly not stop and start
We want us like everything else
Maybe we didn't understand
It's just the end of the world...
Maybe we didnt understand
Not just a boy and a girl
It's just the end of the end of the world...
Me... I don't say much
It's far too hard to make you see in a moment
I still forget just how to be all you wanted
I couldn't ever love you more
I couldn't love you more couldn't love you more
I couldn't love you more
I couldn't love you more

Psh, since when??

2005-01-12T15:21:00.000-08:00

Alright, I know I haven't been around here in a while, but I thought I'd drop a few lines.

I'm starting school on the 24th. It's all the stupid general ed classes, but I've decided to take a class that I want, so I chose The History of Rock. It sounds pretty interesting. Maybe I'll major in ROCK!

"I don't need no instructions to know how to rock!" -Carl.

Oh, and since when did Modest Mouse start charging $25 a ticket for their shows? I remember the $7-a-show days.

I want to start charging people money to see me.

Bankrupt on Selling

2004-10-22T09:04:00.000-07:00

Mike's friend, Pat, was cool enough to download and burn every single Modest Mouse CD for me. What a great guy. I was listening to them, and goddamit, Modest Mouse kicks ass.

The song, "Bankrupt on Selling" off the "Lonesome Crowded West album struck me. That song reminds me of living in Oklahoma & California. If you ever get a chance, you should listen to it.
Here's the lyrics:

Well all the apostles-they're sitting in their swings
saying "I'd sell off my savior for a set of new rings
and some sandles with the style of straps that cling best to the era"
So all of the businessers in their unlimited hell where they buy and they sell and they sell all their trash to each other but they're sick of it all
and they're bankrupt on selling.
And all of the angels, they'd sell off your soul for a set of new wings and anything gold
they remember the people they loved their old friends
and i've seen through'em all seen through'em all and seen through most everything
All the people you knew were the actors.
All the people you knew were the actors.
Well, I'll go to college and I'll learn some big words and I'll talk real loud
Goddamn right I'll be heard.
You'll remember all the guys that said all those big words he must've
learned in college.
And it took a long time till I came clean with myself
I've come clean out of love with my lover
I still love her
Loved her more when she used to be sober and i was kinder

An epiphany.

2004-09-27T11:57:00.001-07:00

We almost broke up, yesterday.

But we didn't.

We talked for hours, and he told me how my constant unhappiness and self-esteem issues hurt him. I had no idea that something so internal could affect other people so adversly. He told me that happiness comes from inside myself, and he's tried everything to make me happy. He knows that I appretiate and notice all he does for me, but my actions don't show it. I agree with him. It's high time I took some personal accountability for my feelings. I sit around, moping, complaining about my history and my conditioning and all the shitty things that happened to me. But, what I came to realize yesterday is that I'm out of that environment. That's not a situation that I'm in anymore, and I need to stop letting my self-doubt overtake me. Instead of letting things roll off my back, I stand there, like a punching bag for my self-doubt. And I let it beat the shit out of me everytime. And Michael is left to repair what's left.

So, I'm through. Today is a new day, and I wash my hands of feeling bad. I've done it way too long, and although I've progressed over the last year, I've hit a plateau. Well, it's time to continue up, and I'm not letting anyone or anything fuck with me anymore. This isn't to prove to anyone...this isn't about being better than anyone anymore...its about personal growth, and growing up. Its about putting my words in to action, and breaking the cycle. So fuck you, self-doubt, and self-hatred. Fuck off. We're done. No more hidden agendas, no more controlling, no more lamenting my childhood. I'm 20 years old, I'm beautiful, I live in a place that I've always dreamed about, I have the best family that I could ever ask for, I have an awesome boyfriend who, while he's a dumbass from time to time, loves me immensly, and I love him too. I have a sweet job, and I'm ready for more. So bring it. You don't have anything that I can't deal with. Try me. You'll lose. I'll knock it out with a slick one-two. I'm not afraid of myself. I'm not afraid of anyone. So I'll take that clusterfuck and I'll make it work for me. All that shittiness that happened, all that lonliness and betrayal, I'll turn it around. Because I'm fucking awesome. I feel bad if you don't know me. Everyone who does, loves me. I rock.

How do you like me now?

"I've got my best shoes on and I'm ready to go. These are the times that cannot be weathered." -Rilo Kiley (a band)

Get 'Er Done

2004-09-21T11:45:00.000-07:00

While perusing the oh-so-expansive internet today, I came across the sad tale of Eugene Armstrong, a contractor from Hillside, Michigan . (Insert random militant group name here) sliced his head clean off in Iraq yesterday. That's brutal. Not to say that we're a bunch of Mother Teresa's over here, but that shit sucks in general.
If you're following the story, it's one down, two to go, and the deadline is today. Ante up, kiddos.

This whole thing is such a travesty. I hate the war, I hate Bush, and I hate his backwoods cowboy administration.
"get 'er done, kerry...get 'er done."
Sidenote:
Michael Moore is really fat, but he's also really poignant. Thanks for the pep talk, Mike.

I'm having a case of Aries-itis...

2004-09-14T15:22:00.000-07:00

Is it wrong that it bothers me that my boyfriend would rather hang out with some girl at his frat house than come hang out with me after work. I feel threatened by this girl, and I don't know why. Maybe its because Mike says that she's just like me only an english major. ....awesome.

I don't know if it's my astrological sign or my genetics or my conditioning, but I'll be the first to say that I am one jealous bitch. And I hate that. I want to change it, but god dammit, it's deep rooted, and I feel like all I have is a hatchett.
Part of me is saying, so what if he's hanging out with her, it shouldn't bother me at all. But then, my bad half starts feeling really bad, and gets angry and hurt. It's curious...

Nonetheless, I could fuck her up.

...I'm just sayin'.

Blank

2004-09-13T11:10:00.000-07:00

Mike and I went to LA on Saturday night to hang out with Logan on his birthday. It was nice. I really like Venice. That's right, I said it. Now that we're back though, I don't want to drive longer than 30 minutes from point A to point B. After the Oklahoma fiasco, long trips are dead to me.

My life has become a series of endless errands. Not to say that I wasn't half-expecting it to, (responsible people always have errands to run) but dammit, it wears you the fuck out. I go to bed at like 10 pm now..."I feel oooold."

I want to start school soon. I feel a little left out.

And I *really* want the complete second season of Aqua Teen Hunger Force...

More later.

::Commence to bloggin'::

2004-09-09T10:02:00.000-07:00

So, here it is. I've started my own blog, since my neglected moveable type blog is now deceased.
I'd like to make a commitment to this one, considering the amount of time I have on my hands.

My brother's birthday is on Sunday. Happy birthday, bro. I don't know what to get him. Any suggestions?

Alright, more later.